Creative Forms of Evil 6: The Parachute Factory

Visit the parachute factory and persuade the packers to get stoned during their coffee break.

Creative Forms of Evil 5: The Sperm Bank

Sneak into the sperm bank and replace the contents of all the test tubes with samples of Regis Philbin’s seed.

Creative Forms of Evil 4: The Interpreter

Get a job as an interpreter at a sensitive international conference and deliberately mistranslate the delegates’ remarks: “He says you’re ugly, fat, and stupid!”

Creative Forms of Evil 3: Evil Pottery

Make vases whose shapes cause people to feel anxious and depressed. Unsuspecting buyers put them on the mantlepiece and never know why their life begins to fall apart.

Creative Forms of Evil 2: The Loudspeaker

Drive through town in a van equipped with a loudspeaker, announcing: “There is no cause for alarm! Please remain calm!”

Creative Forms of Evil 1: The Bureau of Weights and Measures

Fly to Paris, sneak into the International Bureau of Weights and Measures, and shave a piece off the standard meter.

Creative Forms of Goodness 5: Harry Kershner's Idea

Provide beef that can be eaten without guilt by those who are vegetarian on moral grounds. You don’t kill the cow or inflict pain on her at any time. You administer a general anaesthetic and surgically remove a small amount of tissue—about one serving of steak. Then you give the cow the best available post-operative care, and return her to a meadow rich in top quality grazing and inhabited by handsome but considerate and family-minded bulls.